Current mood:

crushed

He's really done it this time.
My wedding is Monday.  (October 5th.)


When Rob proposed to me on my 18th birthday and I said yes, my dad scoffed at us. Thought we were stupid. Thought my mom was stupid. (Rob went to her to tell her, and she gave him an heirloom ring to propose to me with, my engagement ring. It was very sweet and I love it.)
He scoffed and when we told him we were engaged he said, "No you're not."

When Rob and I moved in together in June and I began telling my Dad about our wedding plans he told me that "some people might frown upon you two living together, but I'd rather you do that than get married. You're too young," and basically made it sound like I shouldn't stick with one guy.
He helped us get this apartment. And told us we shouldn't get married.
But he told me, "Don't you dare get pregnant."
I've never had sex. Rob will be my first come our wedding night. How dare he say that like I'm a slut.

I love Rob. He's my best friend and my love.
He's the only person that I trust with my whole heart (besides my mom).
There is not even a tiny inkling in my mind that I would ever want to be with anyone else in any lifetime other than him. If he died tomorrow, I would never be with any other man. EVER.
These are not naive thoughts of a young person. He is my fucking soul mate.

I ignored my Dad. Thought maybe he didn't understand that he'd come around eventually.

So my wedding day is drawing near.
I bought my dress.
Bought everything we need.
Made my bouquet.
Planned everything with the church and the Pastor/my uncle.

I asked my Dad to walk me down the aisle. I have had problems with my Dad. But since I moved out we've gotten along better because I don't see him on a daily basis.
I am a forgiving person. He does not deserve to be forgiven but I continue to forgive him each time he breaks my heart.

I was happy that we were getting along and my father would get to walk me down the aisle.

Today while I'm at work one of my Dad's friends comes to the regiser. I tell her, "One Week to my wedding!"
She laughs and says, "I agree with your Dad..."
I go, "what?"
She says, "I agree with your Dad."
"Well what did he say?
"He told me that he'd rather you two keep living together and not get married."

........He still feels that way.
Not only that He's GOING AROUND TELLING PEOPLE THAT?
That is fucking humiliating.

I am so fucking hurt right now it's ridiculous. He's ruined everything else in my life, figures he'd ruin my wedding.

I'm trying with everything in my heart now to not let him do that, but I am so incredibly hurt. I could die.
Needless to say I am not going to have him walk me down the aisle. I can't.

I refuse to fucking stand there and put on a show, and pretend.
I refuse to make my wedding a lie. Him walking me down the aisle when he doesn't think I should be marrying Rob.

I called my pastor/uncle and he told me I should try to find it in my heart to forgive him and give him a second chance. That if I don't he will regret it and I might as well.

As much as I might someday, it definetely does not sit right with me to have him walk me down the aisle and give me away. Especially how bad he's hurt me now.


I confronted him about it. His only words were, "Well I told you how I felt before when you's moved in."
No remorse at all. Even as I stood there bawling hurt and upset.

I'm fucking done.
I love Rob and that's it